As humans, we all have a unique set of perceived limitations. Anytime you try to reach for something beyond those limitations, you will experience a set of challenges that will either keep you where you are or push you to your next level.
In this episode, Kinsey shares about the four core hidden barriers that Gay Hendricks discusses in relation to your Upper Limit which he talks about in his book, ‘The Big Leap’.
At the end of this podcast, you will be able to see where you’re running up against your Upper Limit and how you can stop the pattern of self-sabotaging (even if you don’t think you’re self-sabotaging).
(Reference: The Big Leap, book by Gay Hendricks)
Do not miss these highlights:
00:45 One year older and wiser! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KINSEY! Ready to soak in a more profound level, the gratitude, the joy, and the fulfillment ahead.
02:11 On the other side of that wisdom is a feeling of so much more to learn.
02:21 Then the more that you learn, the more that you realize that there’s so much that you don’t know.
02:31 Let’s talk about your “upper limit” and the different concepts or methods of this.
02:50 Within the context of an identity crisis, it is the idea of separating from a former version of yourself and stepping into a new one.
03:08 A lot of times when we have to bust through the other side of that, it requires you to also bust through an “upper limit.”
03:23 It’s this perceived limitation that is what keeps people stuck.
03:44 As you evolve as an entrepreneur, as a woman, you’re going to notice these breakdowns to breakthroughs, and it’s all related to these upper limits.
04:01 The book “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendrick, is so good at talking about the “upper limit.”
04:16 This whole concept that we basically self-sabotage because there’s this limitation that exists whether it’s subconsciously or consciously
04:59 What Gay Hendricks does is actually talk out the four cores of “upper limits”
05:08 One of these is ultimately going to continue to keep you below the limit.
06:15 Constraints are important. They create discipline, they create focus, and create parameters for us.
06:33 The four different types of “upper limits,” will help you think about what is your upper limit.
06:52 A correlation to one of these barriers, he calls them the “hidden barrier,” which is basically an upper limit that you can’t necessarily see.
07:27 It’ll be helpful for you, once you actually understand and become aware of it, it’s so liberating.
07:51 The whole book is about these patterns, what to do, and how to move through them. So go on and read the book.
08:03 The first “hidden barrier” that he talks about, is this barrier that’s basically feeling fundamentally flawed.
08:12 It’s something that is related to you not feeling capable of doing the thing, or that you’re missing something.
08:35 It is the worst thought to have because it just remains an open loop in your brain.
09:08 The other thing that he notes is the related fear that comes with you making a full commitment to living in your full zone of genius that you will likely fail.
10:00 The second barrier that he addresses here is disloyalty and abandonment.
10:27 This is common when people are starting to see their lives as extraordinary, above the average.
11:15 If there’s really no acknowledgment of expansion, and you have this idea that if I grow, if I am successful, it means that I’m leaving people behind.
12:05 If it is a very deep-seated or deep-rooted belief in you, it will come up and basically become your limitation.
12:34 The third “hidden barrier” is this belief that more success brings a bigger burden.
13:04 Subconsciously, we actually are very afraid of what that success means or what it can bring.
14:00 This can be a spectrum of things when it comes to the idea of more success means more negative.
14:22 Now, the last and fourth “hidden barrier” is the crime of outshining which is related to outgrowing people in your life.
14:48 This is very common for women because of a potential dynamic in the house.
15:17 This can also come out in other relationships in your life or having this idea of not wanting to feel boastful or too confident.
16:10 You can imagine now that there are parts or potentially parts of these four “hidden barriers” mentioned that are woven within your stories and beliefs.
16:39 Having this ambiguous constraint almost knowing it was there, but not really putting a name to it.
16:49 This should help you see it for what it was, name it, and become aware of the stories and beliefs related to that specific thing.
18:17 Self-sabotaging can happen at the subconscious level because of these upper limits that we may or may not be aware of.
18:45 If you don’t learn how to consistently break down to break through, these things will keep coming up, and you won’t even know it. That is the most frustrating part.
19:19 It is so powerful when you start to change the way you think, change your stories, change your beliefs, everything unlocks for you.
About the Host
Kinsey Machos, a Marketing Strategist, is also a recovering people pleaser, self-sabotager, and corporate hustler. She helps entrepreneurs create and execute magnetic marketing and build expert brands so that they can get known, seen, and heard online.
She believes that creating a business that’s 100% in alignment with SELF is one of the most important things that we can do as women — because there’s an inner magic that we all have if we commit to an infinite pursuit of discovering (and re-discovering) that.
As a wife and a mom of three, the family takes priority. And having a business that’s run AROUND her lifestyle is a daily intention of hers.
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Welcome to captivate and close. I'm Kinsey Machos, business consultant and marketing strategist. And I'm going to show you how to attract and enroll high-paying clients using my breakthrough online marketing strategies, all without having to rely on complicated funnels, disingenuous clickbait, or spammy sales tactics. These are the messaging marketing and selling secrets that virtually no one is talking about. So let's dive in. Hello, my friend, welcome back to another episode, I am coming into this recording one year older than I was, in the last episode, I just had a birthday and it was so incredible, and also, so messy, I always get so emotional on my birthdays, and they always have this funny way of creating more emotion, and sort of like agitating some of those things that may have been hiding within me, I don't know what it is about birthdays. But on the other side of that I always just feel such a deeper level of gratitude and joy and fulfillment. By the end of the day. I don't know, you know, sometimes we just do such funny things to ourselves. But all that to say it was a quiet evening, my husband took me out on a date, it was just the two of us, you know, sometimes birthdays are spent with, you know, a group of friends, sometimes it's, you know, friends and family. And it's just fun to have the different variety throughout the years. And this year, it was really needed for my husband and I just to have that time together. So it was super special. And I feel just so much wiser, in this year of 36. But I also on the other side of that wisdom is like this feeling of I have so much more to learn. And realizing that the more that you learn, the more that you realize that there's so much that you don't know. And that is a fun and exciting experience. So I want to talk to you about your upper limit. And there's a lot of different concepts or methods that I've brought to this podcast, if you're a client, we talk a lot about this in our coaching programs. But I also talk a lot about this within the context of an identity crisis. And really this idea of separating from a former version of yourself and stepping into a new and I think it's this shedding of old thoughts, old patterns or old feelings, old ways of doing. And a lot of times when we have to sort of bust through the other side of that it requires you to also bust through an upper limit. And I think that this is ultimately what keeps people stuck. It's this perceived limitation. It's that ceiling that we place on ourselves as humans, right, we all have a limitation. And every time we grow, we kind of like, expand beyond that limitation. But now, right, there's always going to be a new limitation. And I think as you evolve as an entrepreneur in your business, and also as a woman in life, you're going to notice these break downs to break throughs to overcoming, and it's all related to these upper limits. And I just reread actually the big leap by Gay Hendricks. And he does such a good job of talking about upper limit. And he actually categorizes it into four different types of upper limits. This whole concept that we basically self sabotage because there's this limitation that exists whether it's subconsciously or consciously and it causes us to continue to stay in. Same thing. And if you think about it, a lot of it's related to kind of, again, stepping into a new stepping into the unknown, which creates more of that fear and our subconscious mind or our brain or our ego. Or you know, however you want to look at it. Its job is to keep us safe. And safety equals familiar. But what Gay Hendricks does is actually talk out the four core, upper limits. And one of these is ultimately going to continue to keep you below the limit, which means you're continuing to do the same same, which means you continue to get the same result. And I read this book so long ago, and I think it's so fascinating that I sort of forgot these categories. And over the last year or so, I have had this sort of feeling of a limitation, like a new limitation that I've placed on myself, or a loot new limitation that has kind of like, surfaced, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. And rereading the book and looking at the categories of limitations again, it's like, oh, I remember this, this is the one I had, I may still have it. And I don't know that we will ever Well, I'm pretty certain actually that we we will never not have limitations. In fact, I think that it's required for us to grow. Because if we didn't have any sort of perceived limitation, we wouldn't really have any constraints. And constraints are important. They create discipline, they create focus, they create some parameters for us. But it also is sort of a moving target when you're evolving and growing into new levels of success and expansion and things like that. And so I want to share these four, these four different types of upper limits, and I think it will help you really think about like, what is your upper limit, and do one of these really resonate with you. And I would be willing to bet that there is 100% a correlation to one of these barriers, he calls them like the hidden barrier, right, which is basically like an upper limit that you you can't necessarily see. And a lot of us don't really know it's there until we kind of see it for what it is. And notice it within the confines of the stories that we tell ourselves, how we start to self sabotage and the patterns because of this barrier that keeps us still, that keeps us here, right. And so I think it'll be helpful for you, I think, once you actually just understand and become aware of it, it's just like so liberating, you're like, oh, my gosh, that makes so much sense. So I 100% recommend that you read this book, because what I'm giving you is just basically the four main hidden barriers or limitations that he talks about in this book. But the whole book is about these patterns and what to do and how to move through them. And so I strongly recommend actually reading the book. But the first hidden barrier that he talks about is this barrier that's basically feeling fundamentally flawed. And it's something that is related to you not feeling capable of doing the thing, or that you're missing something. This is 100%. This is my hidden barrier. And it comes up every time and I keep thinking I move here, and actually I coach my clients really heavily on this because I hear a lot, I feel like I'm missing something. And it is the worst thought to have because it just remains an open loop in your brain. And it can create so much unnecessary suffering, and so much wasted energy, just trying to chase a loop that can never really be closed. But 100% This is me. And it's feeling incapable or incompetent, or feeling sort of flawed, especially in comparison to maybe other people that are quote unquote, doing what you want to do and seeing them as more successful or more capable or smarter than you. The other thing that he notes is that the related fear that comes with you making a full commitment to living in your full zone of genius that you will likely fail. And it's that belief that your genius is flawed. And that if you expressed it in a big way, it still wouldn't be good enough. And again, I think that a lot of us can probably resonate with elements of this, but I based on the other hidden barriers that I'll share here in a minute. This is ultimately my number one and this is the one that definitely has me really evaluating constantly, like what is my story here and how is it related to this core underlying theme in my life of not being good enough.Kinsey Machos:
The second barrier that he addresses Here is the disloyalty and abandonment, you have this hidden barrier within you if you have a core belief that you cannot expand into full success, because it would cause you to end up all alone, or, and or be disloyal to your roots and leave behind people from your past, I think this is also pretty common when people are starting to see their lives as extraordinary, you know, above the average. And I think societally we can start to believe that something to want more is bad. And also, if you have a core circle, or core family members that haven't ever seen beyond, you know, what they only know to be true, which you know, is basically all of us, right, the lens that we see life through is, is really based on our experiences in the past, and the beliefs and stories that are created as a result of that. But if there's really no acknowledgement of expansion, and you have this idea that if I grow, if I am successful, it means that I'm leaving people behind. He gives an example here of a question of like, Did I break the family spoken or unspoken rules to get where I am, even though I am successful, did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had of me, I see this a lot with our clients, their, their parents expected them to do the traditional route, right teacher, nurse, lawyer doctor, and being an entrepreneur is could or can be seen as very risky and non traditional. And so this is definitely something that can be common. But if it is a very deep seated or deep rooted belief in you, it will come up and basically become your limitation that you will have to work towards and work through in order to create a new story. And believe that even when or even even if you're successful, it also means right, you can have a loving, compassionate relationship with the people in your life. The third hidden barrier that he mentions is this belief that more success brings a bigger burden. This is related to this thought that I can't expand into my highest potential because I'd be an even bigger burden than I am. Now. This is really interesting, because I think that, again, we ask for bigger things. But subconsciously, we actually are very afraid of what that success means or what it can bring. And so I think that, you know, this could be a multiple or a multitude of things related to the idea of, you know, a bigger business means a bigger team, which means you have to work harder, it could mean more success equals more money, but money is bad. Now, the example that Gay Hendricks gives within this barrier is him being a burden to his family growing up. And so everything he did was just sort of a perceived additional burden. And so when he wrote a book later on in adulthood, his family didn't really see that as success. It was just seen as an additional burden. So I think, again, this can be a spectrum of things when it comes to the idea of more success means more of something negative. And so really asking yourself, Is there something that I'm afraid of, that might come with a bigger business, more money, more success, more notoriety, and really digging deeper there. Now, the last and fourth hidden barrier that he mentions here is the crime of out shining. I think this is related to even outgrowing people in your life or feeling like you're abandoning people. But it's around this thought of the fact that I must not expand to my full success because if I did, I would outshine blank and make him or her look or feel bad. I think this is really, really common for women, because of a potential dynamic in the house. Right? Whatever that relationship with your spouse might look like. If you really want to allow your husband to have that. See Get the table, if you will. And also you want to have your own success, I think subconsciously, there might potentially be a fear of taking that away from him. And I think this can also come out in other relationships in your life or having this idea of not wanting to feel boastful or too confident. And again, as women, a think that we are taught not to speak up, or have a voice. And so again, even if this just isn't your biggest limitation, or your your big upper limit, it still is probably weaved within beliefs or stories of yours, or have a voice. And so it can definitely become an upper limit. Now, even if this isn't your main upper limit, or maybe that main underlying theme that's keeping you stuck or keeping you small, I would imagine that there's parts or potentially parts of this that are weaved within your stories and beliefs. So we have these four hidden barriers, right, that are causing sort of these upper limits as Gay Hendricks has described them. And I think it's just helpful even to put context around these things. Because even though I even read this book years ago, understood it, then it was sort of lost over the years and, you know, kind of having this sort of ambiguous constraint almost knowing it was there, but really not really like putting a name to it. And that helped me see it for what it was, and name it and really become aware of the stories and beliefs related to that specific thing. So I just want to encourage you to take a look at this. First of all, I think you should read the book 100%. Because what I just gave you is like a small, small fraction of the book. And this helps you really start to understand your upper limit how to work through it, and really shows you the constant cycles, he does a really good job of giving you tons of stories of his clients and the people that he's worked with. And helps you see how these upper limits show up in people's life and how it keeps them stuck, or how they overcome them. And you can see yourself in a lot of the stories or see other people even. And again, when you have that context, it just helps you see more clearly what's going on for you. So get the book, but also just really consider where am I sort of coming up against this threshold, if you will, you will know it's happening for you if you keep kind of getting, it's almost like if you were finding yourself in the same patterns. And I hear people say often like why I don't self sabotage. But self sabotaging can happen at the subconscious level, because of these upper limits that we may or may not be aware of. And so I just encourage you to really lean in here because most people think it's a strategy that they have wrong, or they're missing a component of a business plan. And while those things 100% help and accelerate your path, if you do not move through your upper limits, because we all have them, if you don't learn how to consistently break down to break through, these things will keep coming up. And you won't even know it. And that is the most frustrating part. Because again, you'll find yourself in these cycles, kind of see what's occurring, but you're not really sure why. And that is so agonizing. So I just want to encourage you to get the book, really learn about this and start to discover yourself in this light. So you can see from an outsider looking in how you're moving through these cycles, it is so powerful when you start to change the way you think change your stories, change your beliefs, everything unlocks for you. And it's a really, really fun aspect of human evolution, and really a part of evolving as an entrepreneur evolving as a human and experiencing life to the fullest. So, hope you enjoyed this episode. I will see you next time.Kinsey Machos:
Hey, you, thank you so much for listening. It's an honor to be able to pour into the hearts and minds of like-minded entrepreneurs all over the world. But mine most favorite part is being able to connect with you in real life. If you love what you heard here, head over to the community where thousands of female CEOs, just like you are changing the world one human at a time. We go deeper into the topics you discuss here and give away tangible roadmaps to help you crush your revenue goals. To join this high-caliber free community head over to https://kinseymachos.com/community. I'll see you there.